Scars & Tattoos
Dear Kristi -
This post has been mulling about in my head for almost eight months. Ever since you told me the title of your book. Scars & Tats. The title that held so much promise for me. I knew there was a story that I wouldn't be able to let go of because I have both. Scars and tattoos mar my body like a road map of my life. I thank you for the chance to share in the process. It was amazing. I am excited to call you a friend. Congrats on this book and sharing your words with the world!
Every person has a story. A story that is made up of words, pages, chapters, books, even volumes. These volumes tell the story of their life. The words may be dark and the pages torn. The words could be light and bright like the sun. What I can promise you is that no two persons have the same story. Because we are all different. Our lives are a journey, which include different people, places and spaces which shape the volumes of our lives to what they will one day be.
I’ve found while chatting with my girlfriends, that I’m not the only one who’s questioned my life and where I’m going. I have an amazing life. I have friends, family, a home, food on the table and my needs are met in abundance. But recently I’ve been staring at my body and noticing more and more the scars that are so prominent.
I see them every day. Every time I look in the mirror.
I hate them.
I want them gone.
And then… I one day after a couple of really bad days, I realized, that I have to be accept them. Because for me, accepting them, means I’ve accepting my choice to live. To choose life over death. Because I chose what was best for me and my body I have a chance to have more adventures, more love and more time with those who choose to be part of my journey.
But the scars aren’t just on the outside. They’re on the inside too. The scars show up in the doubts I have about myself, the wonder I feel if someone else will be able to love the physical scars, the dark places inside me, the empty places (both physically empty and just sad) and more. The scars run deep, like the veins that give me life blood. They remind me of the past and how much I look towards the future.
And my tattoos, they tell a story. They tell a story of love and choices. At an extremely dark time in my life, when I wondered which way was up or out, I got my first tattoo. It’s the infinity sign with love written in it. Infinite Love. Written in indelible ink on the inside of my left wrist. My daily reminder to love myself first and always. Because loving myself is the only way I know to be truly happy. And if I can be happy then I can share my happiness and love with others.
The same can be said for the “trust the journey” on my foot. With every step I remember to trust the journey that God has put me on. That people come into our lives for a reason. That taking each step forward is part of writing the words on the page of my life. There will be hard times, sad times, happy times and more. The thing that will be the underlying theme no matter what, is love. My book, my volumes, my story… is full of love.
What about you? Are you covered in scars and tattoos? Are you writing your own book of love even through the hard times?