Acceptance and Moving On
I have a demon in my body. Or, maybe a cousin of the plague. It's been a week and I still haven’t figured out where all this mucus is coming from. We could call it what it really is, snot, but somehow mucus sounds a bit better.
I've taken all kinds of OTC meds. The little green guy from the Mucinex commercial is real. He lives on planes, trains and coaches (buses for us Americans) and hibernates on ships even through manic cleaning, just waiting for an unsuspecting stranger to sit where he can find the path of least resistance. This time... it was me. And guess what? I would do it all again.
I decided that fresh air would do me good and I was out of meds and tissues. You know the ones in the Frozen box that cool your nose. Yeah, those. So, after a quick trip to the office I stopped for more of the green-guy fighters and headed home.
The mail taunted me because I had not visited the box of junk in a while. I really only check it when I am expecting Amazon goodies or when someone tells me to. Thanks to bills through email and AutoPay my mail is 90% junk. So, I stopped. Cleaned out the used car ads and food store specials to find an amazing announcement.
Someone I love is going to have a baby! A baby!!! And I'm ecstatic for them.
However, since I make it a point to be completely transparent with you guys...
I stopped what I was doing, fell to my knees and sobbed.
Flat out sobbed.
Thankfully, I was on the phone, and I cried it into the phone. The person on the other end loves me so much she just listened while I cried.
This is the first time someone close to me has become pregnant since I had my hysterectomy. And I'm thrilled for them. I've been waiting for this announcement because my heart told me it would be soon. But, that doesn't mean that I could control the shock of opening the envelope and feeling a gut wrenching, soul breaking pain rip through my body.
Maybe it's selfish.
Maybe it's healing.
Maybe it's a little bit of both.
This time, it's not a Facebook friend.
Or someone I can hide from.
It's my close, personal life.
I guess this is where I have to learn to be honest. This is where I say, "I love you and I'm thrilled for this next step in your life. However, please know that this doesn't take away the heartbreak that I feel because I won't ever experience this the way you all are. I will always love your child and their place in my life."
As I lie here, wiping away tears and dealing with all this damn snot from crying and the Mucinex Man (aka Demon) in my chest I want to say, I asked God to help me find love this year and to help me be fearless. I'm starting to learn, it's a lot like praying for patience. We (by we, I mean me) better be ready to do the hard work. Because the last couple of years have been one heck of a hard road, and asking for these things don't seem to be making it any better. However, faith leads me to believe one day it will be amazing.
I'm just waiting to sing, "Hello from the other side!" :) Thanks Adele for making me giggle as I typed that. Adele --> http://adele.com/music/
How do you handle the hard times in your life? Do you share with your close friends? Do you cry it out in the shower? Or do you dance it out in the rain? How do you learn to accept and move on?