Online Dating: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

If you're like me and single in your thirties you've probably experienced online dating in some way, shape or form.  I've been a victim of the online dating world for way to long now.  So long that I remember when people were actually serious about meeting someone and not just using this medium as another way to find a booty call.  <---- Yep, I went there.  

So, after many years (oh yes) of experience these are some of the things that go through my head as I jump online to check out my potential prospects. 

DEAD ANIMALS -->  Even if a woman wants you to have your own hobbies like hunting and fishing, so she can spend time with her girls, she may not like to stare at those dead animals. I'm all for my guy having some guy time, but I hide/delete photos on my social media feeds of dead animals and anything that isn't aesthetically pleasing and I'm NOT turned on by it in a dating profile.  

HALF NAKED BODY -->  This is what runs through my head every time I see a naked or half naked body (and parts) on a dating site. And I probably won't even give you a heart, like or even a wolf whistle from my place in space.  But I will sing...

You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain,
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you?
Don't you?
~ Carly Simon, You're So Vain

Giant Heads.  
Dead Things (see above) --- But none of you!  I mean you, like your body, expressions, your personality, active shots.  Why are you here again? To meet a woman?  Or to just get a booty call?  Put your best foot and face forward.

"Would you prefer to live life in a swimsuit? As long as you look good in it, I'm the guy for you." The question isn't awful but the response , really?  You think you're going to get a WIFE with this line?  Oh wait, maybe you can find your first one.  But I won't be ME! 

RESPECT --> look up the definition: Merriam-Webster has a great one.  
Memorize it. 
Sing the song while your at it.

FOUR LETTER WORD --> Otherwise known as WIFE.  
W. T. F.
No. Never. Not at all.
If you're separated then you still have one. And don't say hey, I want a booty call but don't want my wife to know. Seriously. You're the King of the Tuesday Sisters.  See above. 

NEGATIVITY --> WHY, oh why, can't you be happy and fun? If all you can think about is negative shit, grab your bag and get to stepping. Life is full of promise and adventure.  Try to find something that makes you happy.

ATTITUDE --> If a woman or a man (if that's your cup a tea) messages you then use those manners your mama taught you. Be respectful (see above). Just say no, like Nike. I'd rather know that you're not interested than staring at your mug a thousand times, when I could just remove you from my perusal of what considers my top matches.  

Think about it.  The internet is full of so many good and amazing things.  Facts about wars, history, new technology and more.  But when it comes to online dating, it's a scary place you guys.  

I've learned, I'm not going to agree to convert to any type of religion to become your WIFE especially on the first date; just because a guy is good looking doesn't mean he has manners; kindness matters (in everything); chemistry is real.  It's sooooo real!  

I know I'm not the only with thoughts, songs and the like in my head when I'm doing the online search.  What have you guys encountered?  I can't wait to hear some of your stories... or am I all alone on this life raft, trying to survive?