Looking for LOVE... online?
What if everything we thought we wanted isn’t what we really want or need? Being single in your thirties is challenging enough, but add to it, a cross country move, a new job and no idea where to really start, I can imagine I’m not the only one who turned to online dating. Seriously. I’m not sure if it was the smartest or the dumbest thing ever.
But I had a huge reality check recently when I realized, obviously I’ve been dating quite a while and if my formula for success hasn’t worked yet, there must be something wrong with the formula. Understand me when I say — this does NOT mean there is something wrong with me — just maybe the way I’m going about this ‘dating process.’
A couple of random facts about me… the only game I’m fond of is football. I’m not a fan at all of playing games with people or their emotions. It’s pretty simple to say, “eh, I don’t thing we gel well. Good luck in your search.” That’s also called honesty and I’d like that in my relationships. All of them.
The factors when online dating are pretty simple, upload a picture, click a bunch of boxes, fill in four hundred characters about yourself and poof. You can search for your mate. Sometimes you pay, sometimes it’s free. In reality, there is no math formula when it comes to meeting your soul mate. Despite what a recent article told me. Love is love. It’s your heart and soul, it’s a connection and sometimes love slaps us upside the head when we least expect it. Anyone ever experience that? I have and it was the most amazing thing. Until it wasn’t. Hence, I’m on the path to find it again.
So I’ve uploaded a picture, and I used a recent one, I checked all my boxes and even included something about myself that doesn’t say “I’ll be completing this section at a later date. Please check back later.” I’ve never counted but I bet those were grandfathered in before the character requirement. Or there are extra spaces. :) Then a variety of things happen. The likes, winks, comments, emails start rolling in. And you start to wonder, and wonder….
First, do the men only look at pictures. I don’t even wonder any more. I believe this to be true. Mostly because at five foot eleven, I don’t believe it to be common practice for a man who is five foot three to normally hit on me. Read: it doesn’t happen in my real life, why is it happening so often online?
Second, can they read? At all? I know this sounds awful and snarky, but I really think that. Hence my inside voice sometimes comes out to play. I’m stuck in the attempt to understand when I clearly checked my age range of 35-46 someone who is 60+ sends me a message with their phone number and says call me with a winking face, really thinks I will. Color me confused. Maybe I should go back to number one and realize, they really only look at pictures.
The last one is ghosting. I actually had to do a google search for this one time to understand what it was. Because it’s real. And actually rude. When we (being myself and a gentleman —loosely defined here) have decided that we may want to attempt at interviewing each other, then we send a like, wink or email. The attempt at attention is made. If a response is sent then it’s mutual. If not we all move on. But if that response is send and we start chatting I fail to understand how and we it’s common to just stop responding to each other. Yes, I recognize we aren’t actual real life friends because we’ve never met each other, but is it absolutely necessary to just walk away and not response. The program shows when you’ve been online and seen or read the message. In my opinion (and we know how I feel about those) it’s just damn rude.
I wouldn’t teach my children to be rude to people and just walk away in the middle of a conversation. Would you? It’s fairly simple to say, good luck in your search but I’ve met someone else or I don’t have time to commit to dating or a whole host of other excuses. Hell tell me you have the clap or something and I’ll gladly run screaming the other way. But don’t be a dick about it. You just may see me in public somewhere and I may forget my inside voice… again.
Now the reality of all this is not that online dating is a hassle, even though it is, but when we check those silly little boxes and what we really think they mean. I actually think I should write out a whole list of what I know are total deal breakers for me in a relationship and then just roll from there. Right? Because obviously I don’t know exactly what I want or need but my list of what I’m not willing to put up with is actually very short. So maybe this is going to be my new way of approaching dating. Well not the list thing, because we all know lists are my thing, but making a list of “not so much” on the good category and then see what happens.
Hey, I can’t give up on love. That’s what this year is all about! L.O.V.E. As I sing, “ I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Looking for love in too many faces…” Don’t worry, I’m finding love all over the place, just not in a mate. But in due time. Maybe not online?